Start from Bullying

Thank you for clicking on this link and start reading my first blog. As in most cases, people always scroll through their social media newsfeeds very fast and only pay attention to a few attractive feeds. This story is just about my experiences and thoughts of bullying, so, nothing fancy.

First of all, let me take a deep breath. 

It's not easy to write a self-story-telling blog. Especially when I decided to choose this sad topic. Because this is an act of stepping out of my comfort zone, which has two aspects. Firstly, English is not my first language. Secondly, no one wants to open an old wound and let it bleed again.

"So why are you writing this?"

I want to be brave enough to embrace myself with all the flaws and weaknesses. This is not an easy step. If you are familiar with psychology, you will understand how important for you to expose yourself to the fears and phobias to defeat them.

I don't know how many of you had the experiences of being bullied when you were growing up. If not then you are lucky. According to the educational statistics provided by governments from many different countries around the world, the percentage of children being bullied is not a small number. Bullying can cause life-long effects including depression, suicidal thoughts and low-self confidence.

"Students involved in bullying often have underlying psychological problems. Bullies often suffer from depression while victims often suffer from anxiety problems."

Unluckily, I am one of the victimized children. 

When I was in kindergarten, which is kind of an exclusive school, the other kids teased me and called me "very ugly". So I had a tag "ugly girl". I didn't understand why. Why would I be bullied because of something I was born with? Having an "ugly" face is not because I did anything wrong. I just happened to be looking like this. 

Since some of you were not growing up in Asia, you won't understand the so-called east Asian beauty standard. You have to have a certain sort of look to be considered as a pretty person. The aesthetic sense in Asia is not as diverse as here. But actually this is not important. When you are being bullied, any excuse can be a reason. 

Bullying has exactly left its imprinting on me. I became very sensitive to all the comments on me. I am afraid to be disliked by other people. However, it's impossible to please everyone. So I have to experience some certain degree of anxiety in socializing. 

On the other hand, my experience shapes my gameness character.I always believe that no one should be treated unequally because of something they were born with. Until today, I have never ever done any plastic surgeries. And I won't do it to alter my face in the future as well.

I am not ugly, I just look like me.